Over the past few weeks we have had a house full of family staying over for the Christmas break. Since we live in beautiful Byron Bay, who wouldn’t want to come and pull up stumps for a while. Even though Byron is an idyllic location, living in a house full ( 12 in total) ages ranging from 9 – 47 can be chaotic, challenging and full of fun and games.
Two of the most popular games being played in the house at the moment are, Monopoly and “The blame game”. Very interesting the blame game, because I have noticed there is no clear winner, rules change constantly and not everyone plays fair. No wonder the kids love Monopoly, simple written rules, black and white, no age discrimination and no advantage because you can articulate your point better than the next person.
The blame game is random and affects people differently on the outside but the inside reactions are very similar, even if for a moment. I think it is an automatic response to deflect and defend ourselves if we are accused of something in some way. I have noticed myself wanting to offload the feeling of being accused, less than, not being perfect or right or good or what ever judgment we use to blame someone or something.
There is an automatic response that is our protection mechanism which kicks in if we are blamed of something. Our mind tries to find a reason, an excuse, another person, anything outside ourselves so we can relieve the tension and discomfort of not being right or perfect. Once we can learn to live with the tension and be ok with imperfect, the blame game doesn’t draw in as many players.
The more inner strength and awareness one has, the easier it is, not to go into automatic pilot and deflect or defend. Those who have inner strength can withstand finger pointing or not being right. They can stand the tension and hold themselves to account compassionately and move to the next place on the board game, much better than “a get out of jail free” card.
So, next time you find yourself participating in the blame game, stop, and sum up the courage to be ok in the midst of tension and discomfort. No defending or finger pointing. Be ok with what turns up, observe your internal processes and make your next move leaving the blame game behind.